What Lies in the Depths of a Heart

"I detest the man who hides one thing in the depths of his heart and speaks forth another."
-Homer


After reading this quote, I immediately thought Homer was talking about other people. I could think of just the people he must have meant. "I know people like that," I thought. "I hate people like that!"

People who aren't real... aren't true, drive me crazy. I crave authentic. I feel safe in honesty and detest hypocrisy.

BUT do I live an authentic life? or do I hide my true heart?

To be honest I wasn't sure. I couldn't remember the last time that I had "spoke forth the depths of my heart." So in an effort to find out what may lurk in the depths of said heart I took myself on a date last week. We (Me, Myself, and I) went to dinner and a movie. We sat in a coffee shop for hours. We read a book. We loved it. I'm not sure that we were able to dig down to the core of me... but that would be a lot to expect on a first date. So all of this to say that I am officially "seeing myself" and seeking after what lies beneath the smile.

I have been a lot of things to a lot of people in the past. I have loved each of the roles that I have played: sister, girlfriend, daughter, friend, lover, leader, comedian, student. Now I am going to make an effort to not only know what lies in the depths of me but to proclaim it to those I love... no more filter... no more walls. This is scary to write. I would ask you each to hold me accountable. If it sounds like I'm delivering a load of bull, call me out. I give you permission.

So now in response to my new "calling" I would like to say that I am anxious to see how you might respond to the ugliness I hide and excited to see how you might love the loveliness inside.